Quotes directly from the application will be in this color. My comments will be in black.
The standard process for Revision Requested rated applications is to go over the review, change what is necessary and resubmit for an OK.
Sailor Bia. Sarah Drusilla Reich. The MYTHOS
organization.
Skills
The ability "Doesn't Tire so Easily" overlaps with skills that both Zelus
and Boreas possess already: one because it's relevant to his sphere (zeal) and
the other because of training in hockey. Since abilities similar to this one
are already being used, and endurance isn't part of Bia's sphere, I ask that
you please remove this skill.
Sarah's personality has improved exponentially. I'm very impressed. You managed to cover a lot and there are only a few things I'd like to see elaborated on: you kind of skimp on how she relates to other people other than she's the ‘go to' person and she loves praise; discuss things like how she makes/behaves around friends.
Appearance
Just one thing:
"Right above them sit a pair of
thin black lashes that are slightly arched as if to show displeasure."
I think you meant ‘thin black eyebrows' rather than lashes. Other than that the
appearance was handled very well.
History
I'm still seeing a bit of a problem with history, but it's not with the
content. It seemed, in parts, as though the personality and history sections
had been written by two different people; the personality flows very nicely and
is an entertaining read, but the history was still rather clunky and hard to get
through. Once again, there's nothing wrong with the content at all, it's just
the style it's been written in.
Since this game requires a lot of writing and reading, I'm going to have to ask that you rework the history section. The best way to do this is to just open a blank document and write using the old history as only a reference for what happened. I'm fully confident that you can make a wonderful history because your personality section was very impressive, you just need to start with a clean slate.
Relations
I was thinking about this the first time I reviewed Sarah, and it just
continues to bother me. Names like Alessa and Ethan aren't really names you'd
see for a miner and his wife who are in their mid-fifties. I might suggest a
more mundane name for Ethan (Jacob, John, Michael, Robert, Joshua, etc) and
something at least slightly more conventional for Alessa. These two would've
been born in the 1950s, so it's unlikely that their names would be so modern.
Strengths: This was a great revision for Sarah. You did a really good job with personality and everything was handled very well. If you just make the advised corrections, you're in!
Suggestions: I've covered pretty much everything that needs to be done above, but there's two suggestions I'd like to make: first, consider doing a writing sample; you don't have to, but I'd like to see your writing style. Second, please do a bit of research into Bia's spheres. You've had some trouble nailing down just what power, force and might are as magical spheres. You've definitely improved your understanding of them a lot since the first application, but even when you were working on revisions I had to steer you more toward force and compulsion as physical, and you were focused more on mentally coercive as her sphere.
Verdict: Revision Requested. Make the necessary changes and resubmit for acceptance!