Quotes directly from the application will be in this color. My comments will be in black.

Since this application did not receive an outright acceptance, I have provided much more information in the overall review than simply "strengths" and "suggestions". This is normal procedure for applications that are not immediately accepted.

Hoplite Dionysus. Jacob Foley. The MYTHOS Organization.

Name
This is really me just being nitpicky, but I really don’t like when people “take poetic license” with a name’s meaning and try to turn a set of words into a semantic phrase (nevermind that that isn’t even what taking poetic license means, but that’s an irrelevant rant).
I don’t want to get into the pointless details, but basically, Japanese works way differently from English, and naming lends itself far more to a meaning than it does in English. So, yes, this is a very small thing to be harping on, but I would prefer you just cut the “Vagrant Supplanter of the Universe” name meaning. That’s the only comment I had about the name meaning, otherwise it’s great.

Likes & Dislikes & Hobbies
You’ve got a really good list here. It’s exciting to have someone really nail the like dislike hobby list the first time through.

Skills
Jake’s skills are all really cute and nice – not too over the edge and not completely arbitrary. I loved the first four skills, although I would prefer that you maybe remove the part about him being a “bit of an insomniac”. I assume you mean that he just doesn’t sleep much/has a bit of trouble sleeping at night and not literally that he suffers from a disease, but I think it’s safer to just say that he’s a night owl and leave it at that.\

There is one skill that I think will need tweaked:
“Devil on Your Shoulder—Jake is rather adept at talking people into doing things they wouldn't normally be tempted to do. Part experience and supernatural ability, Jake knows how to twist truths and words to make any dangerous activity come off in a positive and enthusiastic tone. He is not above using guilt, pity, long range plans, or lies to get people to let go and be a little bit more exciting.”
This skill is a combination of Eris’s “Putty in her Hands” and Zelus’s “Contagious Enthusiasm.” Despite the fact that it is relevant, it’s no good having three people doing essentially the same thing. My suggestion is to make the skill less verbally triggered: rather than having Jake make suggestions, maybe merely his presence is enough for people to shed inhibition and reservation to a degree – I know of people who have this effect on others, so this could easily be a realistic trait.

Personality
This section and the history section are where we run into a brick wall. Although the character concept is solid and is relevant to the core Dionysus idea, there are just too many important traits that are also the important traits of previously accepted characters. I know I’ve said that I will give the benefit of the doubt to applicants, but by that I meant that if two people applying have the same personality/traits/etc, the person without an already accepted character is going to be the one who gets to use those traits over the person who already has a PC in the game.

In particular, Jake overlapped Croix and Milo – in areas where they overlapped each other and in areas that were a major part of their characters. There were also areas of the personality that were strikingly similar to Noah. Had the traits that overlapped not been vital parts of characters or traits that two characters already had, this may not have been such a big problem. I’ll list the major problems below.

“He switches masks constantly to fit into new situations based upon what he views the other person wants.” I definitely see what you’re going for here, but this is also a major aspect of Noah’s personality, as exhibited here: “Noah mostly operates based on subtle opinions he picks up in conversations, struggling to make the choices that will keep the most people happy.” And “Noah builds himself around other people so much that there isn't a "real" Noah waiting beneath the surface to be released. He simply refuses to think for himself.”

“Up close he is very sensual and intimate with lots of touching and whispering. His words flow with compliments that read more like a statement of fact than flattery.”, “Jake covers his insecurities with words and charm.”, etc.
Jake is going out of his way to compliment/impress people, he’s charming, flirtatious, charismatic, and likes to validate himself through social groups that he’s not particularly close to and involves himself in relationships that do not really make him truly happy. All of these traits are major aspects of Croix’s personality, and having two characters of the same gender on the same team acting so similarly just will not work out.

Finally, it’s been stated time and time again that we have plenty of characters who are private about their past. On top of that, we have three characters who at least seem to be open, who are charismatic and outgoing, but are actually very reluctant to reveal personal details. With phrases like “In Vino Veritas”, you might expect Jake to be a very open person; Jake has a Soviet Union-sized iron curtain of lies built up around him, quite contrary to what you would expect.

The other comment that needs to be made is that I’m a little worried about Jake’s smooth-factor. This is essentially the same problem I had with Ande/Eris initially: there’s a lot for other characters to dislike about Jake, but there’s not a lot that makes Jake mess up and look like a sympathetic character. It’s worrisome to see a character who is charming and manipulative and never gets in trouble and can get others to take the blame for him. Let Jake get into trouble, and I think you’ll be better off.

I do want to point out that, despite my comments, there’s still a lot here that’s very interesting and cool to work with. I absolutely love the idea behind the weekend friend – this is a fabulous concept that hasn’t been explored by other characters and I really like it.

It’s just when you employ the Croix-charm and borderline magical manipulation abilities that this trait seems a bit too extreme.
The adrenaline junky trait is certainly unique, but you need to steer clear of self-destruction, because it appears both in Milo’s personality and in Shazi’s actions.
And I would LOVE to see a bit more elaboration on Jake being a momma’s boy. This is a trait that you almost NEVER see in a male character, and I think it would be interesting to incorporate more of.

There’s an underlying motivation here that I think would work wonderfully: Jake doesn’t know his purpose, and it scares him. If Jake’s character motivation was more trying to find a place for himself (which is illustrated by his constantly flip-flopping in and out of groups and clubs, etc) and less as validation thing (like Croix) or a self-destructive thing (which is very much Milo in personality and Shazi in literal terms), I think you would be more than peachy.
Look more into self-indulgence. Have Jake be out to please himself, rather than being out to make others happy; in theory, rather than looking for acceptance from the people around him, he would be looking for his place in the world, and I think that that would steer him away from Croix and Noah. One of the members described the idea behind the mythological Dionysus in this way: “Basically, the thing about him is that life [in Ancient Greece] was often really grueling and restrictive for the common people, especially women. They were quiet, obedient baby factories, then every once in awhile on the festival of Dionysus, they were allowed to let loose and get drunk and run around naked. And then after they went back to their lives... so, it's like a catharsis more than anything else.”

History
As I have already mentioned, Jake’s history presented somewhat of a problem, in a similar vein to the personality and parts of the sailor soldier section: Jake comes from a family with one parent who is never around/seemingly neglectful – at first the history seems to be playing out quite like Sarah/Bia’s, with the parents marrying young because of children, and the father never being around with his child.

Jake’s acting out for attention has motivations nearly identical to both Croix and Milo. For Milo, this is a massive portion of his persona at large. And his parents moving themselves to hopefully fix his personality problem is very similar to Croix’s being sent to Columbus to fix his problems.

There are PLENTY of reasons to act out without having family problems/a lack of attention. Maybe, like millions of other teenagers, Jake simply doesn’t respect his parents – he doesn’t think they “know anything” or that they don’t “get him at all” – and because of that, he ends up doing stupid things.

I’ve addressed my feelings on the super clever kid who can fool the adults multiple times previously. And would like a little more elaboration for this: “He learned to play other people from a very young age.” Is he managing to look like an angel when the adults are around, while secretly playing pranks on little Suzy when their backs are turned? Or is he telling teachers lies to make them happy/garner sympathy/cast the blame on someone else?

I love Marlene. She’s quirky, weird and funny (in a Bubble Boy kind of way). But at the same time, I feel like she’s a little too dumb to be raising a child. I really think that both Marlene and William need a bit more intelligence and respectability; combine this with toning down Jake’s clever ruse deal, and I think we’ll be cooking with gas.

On the subject of Will’s dad, I can understand a father with very little presence in his son’s life, but I think it would be best if this were handled a little less dramatically, because the whole package seems like the poor judgment family, and we already have at least two sets of parents who fall into this category (Milo & Noah’s dad, Milo’s mom, Croix’s parents, Sarah’s parents, Eve’s mom, Rose’s mom, etc).

I really think you’ve got something with the overprotective parent, though. You could explain Jake’s rebelliousness as being motivated by his need to show mom and dad that he can take care of himself, and I think that that would solve at least a portion of your overlap problems here.

Sailor Soldier Overview

Elements of Influence
You’ve certainly done your research here, but you’ve also ended up with a bit of a problem. In a lot of other games, the aim is to take the element and spread it out – make it into something fantastic and really push the envelope – this is an absolutely awesome concept, but it’s just not a method you want to use in creating a character for Mythos. In a game where the deities overlap each other so excessively, you want to narrow yourself down. You want to encompass your deity at their heart, rather than spreading the god(dess)’s arms and legs and fingers and toes out as far as they will possibly go. It’s nice that you’ve piled on a bunch of relevant elements for Dionysus, but these elements are so unrelated to one another that Dio seems to be taking on an all-encompasing Sailor Jesus role.
Ecstasy is Aphrodite. Primeval Nature is Pan. Atonement is only loosely based on Dionysus – he is not explicitly the god of atonement – and reincarnation, despite being something I have OKed, is still pushing it a bit too far. Dionysus is listed as the god of viticulture, winemaking, drinking (wine), parties, madness, hallucination, fruit, vegetation, plays, choral songs, homosexuality, effeminacy, reincarnation and the afterlife. Almost ALL of these things tie directly into the idea of wine and intoxication, with the exception of reincarnation and the afterlife (and with two characters who are already afterlife characters, and several afterlife-related names listed on the available list, we certainly don’t need any more of those).
Try to narrow Dionysus down, not broaden him. He, like Athena and Hermes, has a lot of stuff going on, and to allow him to overlap everything simply because he’s the god of a shitload of random crap is unfair to others.

Locket
I really like the locket. Neato burrito concept going on here.

Color Scheme
Could you provide the hex codes for those. XD;

Symbol
I definitely think that the symbol is going really really really waaaaaaaaay too far out into left field. Please pick a new one.

Uniform
” Dionysus appears as the quintessential green man. He is covered with leaves and mud with several sprouts blooming directly from the skin underneath his toga (mostly beneath the sleeves).”
I can’t let either of these things slide. This immediately made me think Hoplite Gaia, and not Hoplite Dionysus. I would leave the plants blooming out of the skin for a more plant-centric deity (Persephone, etc) and being caked in mud and such to a deity more directly related to the earth or wilderness (Gaia, Pan, Demeter, etc).

Transformation
“His eyes burn an amethyst as ivy violently bursts through his closed fingers to cover everything; ripping and tearing through skin and fabric as Jake lifts his head back to stare straight upward.”
“…seemingly hundreds of vines appear, shooting in every direction, along with one vine in particular that wraps around her extended wrist and suspends her in mid-air as her body hangs limply. The vines tear apart her clothing to reveal her uniformed self beneath and once they are finished the remaining vine lowers her back to the ground.”
The second transformation is the transformation of Persephone. The only difference between the two is the latter half of Dio’s transformation, and that Dionysus’s transformation appears to be a great deal more violent. It is relevant, but Persephone was accepted first, and she is the goddess of plants and spring growth, so please change this.

Signature Attack
A wee might gorey: the cutting image is too much, several players were actually very much opposed to the idea of having this attack in the game, as it is a bit too heavy for the game, I think.
I might switch up the attack-fudging effects so that they reflect a more “Intoxicated” result. It might’ve just been the examples given (“Eos' horses may be skeletons or Ares' zombies may search for brains.”) made me think that the attack has a more ‘undead’-ing effect than an intoxicating one, and even then, there is definitely a difference between being brought from death to unlife (necromancy) to being brought from death to new life (resurrection).
You might want to tweak this phrase “If Zelus were to use his mirror as a shield, the concoction will still get on his hands if he doesn't drop the shield.” A bit, because it came off as more “Zelus’s mirror is the only shield that can’t dodge the attack” and less “This is what happens to all shields that get hit by the attack.” And I believe that Zelus’s mirror reflects magical abilities.

Skills and Abilities and Traits
Gatorade to Wine – I loveloveloved this skill, but it cannot bleed into his every day life almost immediately. This is too powerful an ability to have it show up so soon outside of being transformed. It can certainly occur in a later power up, but I would prefer it not manifest soon after he appears in stories.

Gots Me a Reputation – Love. So much love.

Commitment Phobic – Okay, while this is quite possibly my favorite skill, it’s also, sadly, way too powerful for a level-one soldier to have. I love that you’ve incorporated it, but it needs to be toned down. I might manifest it, at first, as him having trouble standing around in one place. And later we can talk about expanding it.

Vine Growth – As mentioned, this is stretching it for Dio, and is a skill better given to someone like Demeter or Persephone.

Strengths: Outside of a few random grammatical errors that made things a little hard to comprehend (they looked more like typos than anything else, anyway), this application was wonderfully written and well put together. You’ve definitely got a knack for coming up with a lot of cool ideas, and there are quite a few presented here. There was a lot here that I really liked, unfortunately, it all either overlapped someone else or strayed a wee bit too far from Dionysus.

Suggestions: I’ve pretty much gone over everything that needs addressed already. The biggest problem with this application was, obviously, that it just had too much in common with too many other characters. I’d like to remind you to try and make Jake appear a little less roguish and smooth. And possibly tweak a few personality aspects that didn’t add up very well – Jake is, when he is younger, an incredibly agreeable child, and this doesn’t seem to show up as much in his personality. I might address the boy scout thing a bit more – I’ve known people similar to Jake (people who didn’t seem like they belonged in the boy scouts, but were there forever, anyway), but I think that he goes a little over the edge in that respect. I would’ve seen him quitting the organization much earlier than he did.

There’s a lot of stuff here that has a whole load of potential. It just requires that you narrow Dionysus a bit more – focus on what Dionysus is and not what he could be if you really thought about it really hard. I absolutely positively want to see a revision of this character, and I think that, with a bit of elbow grease, Jake will be accepted.

Verdict: Declined – Revise.