Quotes directly from the application will be in this color. My comments will be in black.

Strengths: Imrah was an interesting, enjoyable and unique character. I absolutely loved her underlying motivation - an awesome approach that I certainly would not have thought of. It was quite easily the greatest part of the application. The writing in this application was wonderful and entertaining - the history was great, the personality was great. Everything was great.

Finally, I really, really appreciate that you’ve created a character who looks unique but not crazy and doesn’t resemble the other characters already in the game.

Suggestions: There were just one or two things that need tweaked before I can completely accept you into the game. Since it’s not actually that much, you don’t have to resend the whole application, but instead just be sure to show the revisions to me before you post it all up on a website. I’ll address them now.

1.) I’m kind of going in reverse order here, but I’d rather Nemesis have a weapon that only appears when she’s performing her attacks (like Rose’s net and Roxie’s whip, or, to use examples from the series, Rei’s Flame Sniper bow and Ami’s Aqua Rhapsody harp). Since the female sailor soldiers are supposed to rely more on their magical abilities, it would be more appropriate if the weapon only manifested during the signature attacks.

On this same subject, it would be cool, then, if her bo/rod resembled a rung on the Wheel of Judgement/Justice (http://www.symbols.com/encyclopedia/15/157.html) and maybe incorporated her pulling the rung from the wheel in the beginning of one of her attacks(?). This is just a suggestion.

2.) I’m a bit concerned about the similarities between Ande/Eris and Imrah/Nemesis. Imrah and Ande are both similar, but extremely different, and so it works out for the most part, but there are a few areas that could perhaps do with a bit of tweaking. Here was a suggestion from Ande’s player:
“Although Ande's is not discussed explicitly in the skills section, I do say in a paragraph in personality she has an excellent memory in basically the same way as Nem, being very observant. I might stress in the skills that Nem's is more detective-style/visual details and she is less able to memorize conversations/things about people, since it seems she doesn't even listen to them. Although I guess you can also infer that yourself from a careful reading.”

3.) Finally, Nemesis is great - you’ve balanced her very well with good points and flaws, and you’ve shown me that you don’t take the character as seriously as she takes herself (which is wonderful) but I think Nemesis needs something that makes her a little more human. She needs a hobby. Shazi/Persephone’s player is in a similar situation, which is solved by having Shazi work in the greenhouse and tend plants.

You have a good start with having her be into television (which is a good thing to go with for the AMO), but you might want to think of one hobby that makes her seem a little less job-oriented - something that keeps her focus but also gives her more dimension. My (lame) suggestion was that she got into internet message board discussions about the Law & Order series, and now is heavily involved in an online community and/or gets into huge internet-fights.

Verdict: Accepted. Please tweak what’s necessary, and welcome to the game!